By Bill Dixon & Danny April
Can’t believe people buying iPhone 12! I’m not spending my hard earned Yen on something made by Canadian slaves.
@Skrillex: excited to begin my duties as Ambasador to Moon Colony 13 today. So proud to work for Drew Paul, son of Rand Paul and first trangendered president!
@TMZCNNFOXNEWS: Olympic sprinter Daxia Zyzax ignites controversy with announcement he is running 100m dash with original, human legs.
1 year ago, terrorists hacked facebook and posted every internet message! In memory of lost friends, who discovered we all called them fat.
@ OurLadyOfLohan: Thank you Lindsey, your devotion to Christ and tireless work has saved our orphanage! Peace unto you!
“Wesley Crusher Fucks the Galaxy” finally closes after 30 years of being the longest running Star-Trek themed musical on Broadway.
@JustinBieber: Thanks to fans who supported me through rehab, gun thing, the ape thing, and hospice care fire. Who knew long term effects of coconut water
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